i woke up yesterday to a mention in the Washington Post’s Warrior Woman blog about success…

Experiencing new life in California

As my plane landed in Los Angeles last night, I could not help but think about all of the people who have come to California over the years in pursuit of a dream.  My mom made the journey as an aspiring actress when she was 18.  Now it is my turn.

Aside from working with Bandsintown, my life feels very much like a blank slate, bursting with possibility and opportunity.  I know the vision that brought me here, one that I’ve been honing in on for some time and am ready to bring to fruition. The funny thing is, I don’t feel a sense of urgency to figure it out, I just want to experience each and every moment of my new life in full and be receptive to new opportunities.

Amber Lambke, an artist and entrepreneur who recently relocated from San Francisco to New York City, eloquently sums it up in describing her decision to move: “Now is not about looking for answers because we don’t yet know their meaning. Now is about living for the question and experiencing the answer.”

i echo Alexis’ sentiments exactly, particularly the bit about life feeling like a blank slate and not feeling a sense of urgency to figure it out. i admire Alexis, her move and desire to chase her dreams in California! (i also think we may have been separated at birth but that’s another story…) best of luck to you Alexis! i so have your back.

the theme here I think is believing. know that no matter what you do or how you do it, you’ll succeed. we don’t succeed when we don’t believe and know that our success is inevitable. when we do believe, our focus very quickly shifts from “what if” to “how.” be rid of the ifs. chase the hows.

i’m moving to new york two weeks from today and i’m so flipping excited. if you recall, three weeks ago I had an ass-kicking conversation with the amazing amit gupta who gave me the push I needed to quit my job and get on a flight to nyc in a mere 48 hours. (best decision of my life, ps!)

i’m back in san francisco now simplifying my life. i’m saying goodbye to my car, 2400 lbs of furniture and 90% of my wardrobe that I never wear… i don’t need you stuff, you cause clutter in my mind and impede on the remote, nimble and adventurous life i want to lead. #peaceoutstuff

so today i started my “peace out stuff” journey. in doing this i reallllly came to realize the meaninglessness of stuff (and the appreciation of little). for so long i would attach meaning to things like cards, kind gifts, random knick knacks and the things that clutter my room and life. i would keep things that “mean” something. but they don’t mean anything!! and they take up room!! and are unnecessary!! and cause me to be disorganized because i don’t know where to put them!! time to say goodbye… time to only keep what i need right now.

for too long i kept stuff because of the people behind the stuff. i felt bad getting rid of things that people gave me. then i realized, gifts are not a prison sentence. people give things to you for a reason and hopefully those things serve a purpose in your life at that time. then we change, our situations change and the need (or not need) for those things changes too. why should we attach meaning to something and feel bad after it no longer serves a purpose in our life? it DID serve a purpose but when it DOESN’T serve a purpose anymore, let it go.

letting things go comes easy to me. my mom always called it my “light switch.” it’s either on or off. i either see meaning and a purpose in something or i don’t. when i don’t, i move on. 90% of the time, i don’t look back, i don’t think about the ramifications, i just decide, act and move forward. 10% of the time i tremble. letting things go that other people care about, have an interest in or for some reason still feel an attachment to is much more difficult for me. it’s even more difficult when the person doesn’t share my beliefs or perspective. i’m opinionated and like to debate so naturally i want people to see my point of view. i’ve learned that getting other people who don’t see eye to eye with me to understand my perspective is usually a waste of time. people either it get it and support you or don’t. people either trust the process or become anxious in not knowing.

in the end, you have two options:
1. go and do how you want
2. spend time and energy trying to get people to see your perspective, feel emotionally drained by this process, and then either go and do how you wanted to initially OR end up not doing at all because you now feel restrained and held back by the other person’s thoughts and beliefs

people will always have opinions on what they think you should do. they’ll also always have a hard time understanding what exactly it is you’re doing because they’re not you. stop talking. start doing. stop telling. start showing.

remember: i can < i should < i want to < i am.

in a recent post I said: feeling uncomfortable, I think, is one of the greatest pleasures in life. it embodies the length at which you’re willing to push yourself to learn, grow and truly experience life.

my nyc lesson #3…

like the emotions involved with feeling uncomfortable, I crave the emotions involved with struggle. it means i’m working on something really meaningful and i’m pushing and challenging myself to break free from personal and external restraints.

my sudden move to NYC is a perfect example of this. before making the leap, I was apprehensive about the possibility of struggling. but struggling, very simply, is the journey from uncertain to certain - it’s exploring the undiscovered and proactively putting myself out there. although struggle makes me feel vulnerable, sensitive and impressionable, it also challenges me to truly put my guard down and it helps me to improve and evolve my actions and reactions.

“struggling” in new york has been a complete rush for me. everything here is new, uncertain, being discovered and evolving, and i’m able to channel my energy and focus on what matters and is truly important. i have no clue what all is about to unfold but I know I can’t fail and I know it will be awesome. there’s a quote that says “fail. try again. fail. try again.” etc. etc… and while I agree with the premise of what the quote is trying to say, what I think life really entails is going, doing, discovering, evolving… going, doing, discovering, evolving. trying indicates half-hearted attempts and failure is short-sighted. knowing I can’t fail (I’ll just evolve), and appreciating the fact that I’m at the brink of growth and enlightenment is enough to always keep me going.

(i took the above photo in the subway during my first visit to nyc.)

for as long as i can remember, my mom has regularly shared with me her “two paths” story. even today, close friends of mine remember this story and the impact it had on their upbringing.

as much as I may have rolled my eyes at four, eight, sixteen and twenty-one years old, now I think about what my momma said and I smile.

the story goes like this…

“there are two path in life that you can choose — one involves making your passions, dreams and goals a reality. the other involves settling and never pushing yourself beyond what you think is possible. it’s your choice miss amber rae. which path will you choose?”

her words of wisdom were as simple as that… and, to this day, i still distinctly remember every.single.word. not only were they momentous in how i approached life but they have had an impact on me and nearly every important person in my life.

earlier tonight, i re-brought up the path story to my momma via phone. she got SO excited that I could feel her energy and enthusiasm over the phone. (WOW! i love when she gets like that!! it’s hard to describe until you experience it.)

she also mentioned that many aspects of me have never changed since i was five years old… specifically, my childlike innocence, genuine enthusiasm, heartfelt expressiveness, desire to challenge authority, and (too often) please everyone before myself. apparently little has changed from 5 to twenty-four.

i’ll take it…

( a note I wrote my grammie when I was 5… i think this is when my era of persuasiveness began. :) )

now is not about looking for answers because we don’t yet know their meaning. now is about living for the question and experiencing the answer.

I would have never guessed that one week ago I was about to go from living a semi-comfortable life in San Franicsco to living a much more uncertain, adventurous (and the life I was dreaming of) in NYC.

I also would have never guessed that within 24 hours of arriving in New York I would have five job offers and a signed TV contract. woah! I’m still pinching myself.

to me, life is a series of meaningful stories that shape our lives. it’s something we cannot predict or expect; it’s something we need to go, do, live, cherish and experience.

one week ago I was living my semi-comfortable life in San Francisco, pondering and planning for how I would make my New York City dream a reality. now when I say “semi-comfortable,” this might equate to crazy for some (as people tell me I’m “crazy” all the time)… but really, I felt stuck and stagnant because nothing that I was doing was pushing me or making me feel uncomfortable.

feeling uncomfortable, I think, is one of the greatest pleasures in life. it embodies the length at which you’re willing to push yourself to learn, grow and truly experience life.

one week ago, as I was living my semi-comfortable life, I began to truly realize how much I wasn’t challenging myself. I started to realize how badly I needed change. little did I know that my last tuesday evening plans with the wonderful and charming amit gupta would involve the most action-inspiring conversation of my life.

when i shared with him my passions and current aspirations, he challenged every excuse I had for why I wasn’t currently pursuing them. he encouraged me to live out my “plans” in exchange for thinking about them, and he managed to throw me back into the uncomfortable and challenging mindset that I thrive most in. (thank you, amit. i heart you forever.)

enter: action amber.

48 hours and not enough sleep later, I managed to find solutions to every concern I had - from having 2400 lbs of furniture in my SF apartment to having a car to sell to having no job and not a lot of savings. it all worked out. transforming my perspective from how can I answer this question to how I can live out this question and find a solution changed my life and all manifested in a mere 40 hours. wow! it’s amazing what you’re capable of when you apply all of your energy toward it.

so here i am now, sitting in the LES… I may have less than $1K in my checking account and 2400 lbs of furniture still in my San Francisco apartment but I’m equally certain that my relentless, entrepreneurial and passionate spirit is ready to take nyc by storm. I’m also positive the minuscule “problems” that were holding me back in San Francisco will be forgotten months from now. what I will remember, however, are the “risks” I took, the experiences that made me feel, and how I grew as a result.

now is not about looking for answers because we don’t yet know their meaning. now is about living for the question and experiencing the answer. the question i’m living for now is how to live the most adventurous, memorable, fulfilling, uninhibited, digital, sustainable and creative life.

greetings nyc, how excited I am to experience your answer.

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