How often do you tell people, “if you ever need my help, just let me know?”

It’s a wonderful gesture and fully appreciated by the receiver, I’m sure. I’ve had two people tell me this via email in the last two hours. I’m sure I tell people this all the time too. 

That said, the question still remains: how can you help me? And most importantly, how do you want to help me? 

Don’t just tell people that you want to help them. Tell them how you want to help them.

Ask and you shall receive. 

Loud pop music has been blaring in my apartment complex for the past two weeks. I wasn’t quite sure where it was coming from and it didn’t really bother me until tonight…

Me 30 minutes ago:

I’m in a spurt of writing, fully focused, and feeling prepared for the week… in the background I hear Lady Gaga so loudly that it sounds like it’s in the next room.

“Where is this coming from?” I think to myself. I decide to ignore the music, staying focused on the activity in front of me.

Soon after, I find myself distracted every 30 seconds and losing focus… Worst of all, I suddenly feel a migraine begin to surface. And I haven’t had a migraine for months!

“Enough!” I think to myself as I put on my boots in search of finding the music.

I exit the apartment and walk to the other side of the building where I find a staircase. 

“Wow!” I think to myself, “This music is coming from another floor?!” 

Reminiscent of my modern dance days, I wonder if there might be dance practice going on below me… But at 10:15 pm on Sunday? That seems illogical. 

I skip down the stairs and discover music playing from the door at the base of the steps. I aggressively knock on the black, much scarier than my only a floor up door, uncertain whether those living inside will even be able to hear me. 

No response. 

I knock again, this time harder.

No response again.

I knock again, even harder this time, feeling evermore curious for what I might find inside.

Finally, a few minutes later, the music turns down.

“Ahhh…” I say to myself, “I can finally hear myself think again.”

The voice of an older man shouts, “Just a minute!”

“An older man who loves Lady Gaga?” I think to myself. “Something’s definitely not right here.”

A 60something year-old man opens the door with an obvious rage about him.

“Do you hear the people making noise above me too?!” he angrily remarks. “There’s a two-year old and couple who make noise to drive me crazy … I am in battle with them,” he says in a fit of rage.

I inquisitively look at him for a few seconds and then ask “You’re in battle with a two-year old?”

“Yes!” he says. “She makes so much noise! It drives me crazy! They’re out to get me!”

I quickly remark, “So, let me get this straight … a two-year old is out to get you and you think playing loud music will solve this problem?” 

Hopeless, uncertain, and potentially a little crazy, the old man pauses for a moment and stares deeply into my eyes. 

“Why is everyone out to get me?” he says. Only this time, there’s an obvious sadness to him. I can see him holding back the tears in his eyes. So lost, so confused, so jaded. 

I feel his pain for a moment, pause, reflect, and then ask, “Do you really think the two-year old child is out to get you?”

“No,” he replies, looking down at the floor this time. “Everyone who ever loved me is punishing me now. They are out to get me.”

I pause again for a few moments, feeling sad for the man but also realizing that this is not a conversation or situation that I want to get that deeply involved in. The more I pause, the more the man gazes at me hesitantly, showing insecurity in his eye contact and pacing. I remain quiet, curious to see if he’ll speak up.

A few seconds later, he says, “I’m very sorry. I apologize for inconveniencing you and causing you any pain. I wish you a good night.” 

I too wish him well and I go on my way. I hop back up the stairs and begin to reflect on the unexpected but enlightening moment I just shared with the sad, older man… 

Me right now:

As I write this and reflect on what just happened I can’t help but consider where anger stems from. The emotional cycle of pain typically goes as follows: Pain -> Defensiveness -> Anger -> Sadness -> Love. Our actions stem from a deeper place, often far deeper than the situation at hand. Usually all we need to overcome these situations is love. 

Everything is connected, love accordingly.

And back to my Sunday night writing I go… 

I had drinks with a friend last night who encouraged me to look back on all my notebook writing from the last year. He pushed me to promise that I’d put together all my most important ideas and the lessons that changed my life. I agreed to the challenge.

Over the last year, I’ve probably gone through 150 notebooks (or more). I write to understand and reflect. It inspires me, motivates me, helps me feel in touch with my deepest thoughts and emotions, gets my creativity flowing, and often heals me. What I never do is go back to reflect days later. Writing provokes such deep honesty and intensity that the process of doing it alone is what motivates and sustains me. I never even thought to look back.

Today I decided to change this. As I sat in my favorite wine bar/cafe in all of New York a few hours ago (Bread on spring and elizabeth), I decided to look back on my past week’s writing. Bread is a place where I feel balance and peace. It inspires me, provokes thought, encourages creativity, and most of all, I feel so utterly and happily me. From the xx to cinematic orchestra, the music moves and touches me too. The whole experience, really, is perfect.

As I read through my writing over a glass of wine, I felt shocked and immediately impacted by my words. I have a very free-form writing style. Meaning that there’s no judging, absolutely no editing, and just pure thoughts from the heart. This is great in the moment, but afterwards? Wow. It’s just as good, even better in some ways. I realized I have exactly what I’m feeling, what my fears and concerns are, what is exciting me and inspiring me all there right in my hands. It’s easy to get caught up in the rush of life and my notebook is a constant reminder of what truly matters, of what’s most important.

This moment helped me realize how truly aware I am of my feelings, desires, what’s right, wrong, and what needs to change. I tend to be a very instinctual person who makes decisions very quickly based on gut feelings. But I also sometimes hesitate or over-analyze feelings when they are uncertain or negative. Reading over my writing taught me how much more I can trust myself. I could feel and see the progress and growth.

In moments of hesitation, the only thing we can do is TRUST.

I haven’t been doing much writing lately. In fact, I haven’t had a notebook for two weeks now and my favorite pen is nowhere in sight. I also can’t remember the last time I sat still and reflected. I’ve been on such a rush of life, adrenaline at full speed, pushing myself beyond my comfort zone in all areas of life. I’m working what I love and putting my passion projects into motion on the side, taking risks each day and failing regularly. Life is intense but the intensity is beautiful. It’s almost cinematic.

As I take a breath and slow down for a moment, I realize how out of touch I feel from my inner voice right now. Putting my deepest thoughts into words brings me light. Creating for the love of the craft and the purpose of inspiring brings me joy. The art of reflection is what drives me, inspires me, and motives me to keep experiencing, feeling, pushing and giving. It brings me fulfillment and purpose.

Boy I’ve missed this.

Someone recently asked me how I manage my time. Easy question, I thought. I only work on and pursue that which inspires me. I only participate in projects that feel fulfilling. I spend my time as needed to accomplish whatever needs to be done. I don’t count the hours, I count how the hours make me feel, and what comes from the experience. Most importantly, I give myself time each day to reflect and write. That is my secret sauce. That is what keeps me going. That is what lights my fire within and keeps me on my toes.

And then, in this moment, I realize I too need to take my own advice. I need not let the craziness of right now take away from my moments of reflection. I need not let myself feel out of touch. Out of touch I feel but out of touch no more. 

Damn it feels good to be back.

in looking back on my life, everything is connected. the moments that made me feel and the interactions that touched me most deeply led me on the journey to where I am today. these experiences, the ones that truly impacted me, were the result of me trusting my instincts and letting my intuition guide me.

i believe everything in life is connected, and therefore, we should love accordingly. we connect our own dots, we choose what we decide to love. let’s never forget that.

i believe we only have one dream. it comes in many forms, shapes, steps and moments, all of which culminate and grow over time and with perseverance. when we discover our one dream, when we nurture and love our why, life connects and sparks fly.

the problems we have now will not go away until we decide to face them, squarely in the face. we have a choice: work on the problem now or ignore it and let it pass until months or years later when it resurfaces again. everything in life is connected. our only choice should be to love accordingly. 

people will continuously enter and re-enter our lives. even if just for a moment, these people are pre-sent, a gift to our present moment, and an opportunity to learn, grow and discover something about ourselves.

connect what you love, live accordingly. 

Reading Willie’s post about his first week in New York made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Willie is one of my Project Domino teammates and someone who I fell in friend love at first sight with. 

Opportunity is Everywhere

What’s incredible about being paired with five strangers is that you all come together for one purpose, one mission, and an insatiable desire to do something meaningful. (More on the team in a future post.)

Working with Seth is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. It’s been one week. ONE WEEK! And I feel like I’ve learned a year of lessons about myself, what scares me, and what I’m good at in just six days.

With Seth, what you see online is what you get in person. How he writes is how he talks. What he says is what he does. It’s beautiful. One thing I appreciate most is how he’ll call your bluff. He’ll throw you up to the dry erase board to play pictionary so that you learn what it feels like to be wrong and why it’s okay to fail. He’ll take you on a car ride to “brainstorm” so he can understand what’s holding you back. Then, he’ll push you to start instead of hesitate and contribute instead of fear. 

From Night Owl to Morning Glory

Getting into the morning groove has been, by far, the most difficult transition for me. I spent the last year going to bed around 3am and waking up around 11. Transitioning to a 12am bedtime and 7am rise has been quite the wakeup call. I’m glad to say I’m finally getting the hang of it.

Energetic Amber went away for a little while but my skipping down sidewalks and jumping up and down when I feel excited is starting to come back. (Yay!)

My social life is definitely taking a big hit but I gotta say, it’s been a nice catch of breath. 

I <3 the Upper West Side

I thought I was a below 14th street kind of girl. Then I moved into a lovely little apartment in a pretty and quiet neighborhood called the Upper West Side. Elevator building + personal bathroom = win. Best roommate in the world = yay! Close to Central Park and Whole Foods = :). Only a 20 minute ride on the 2/3 to Wall Street = <3. A lovely little balcony = !!!!!!

I must say, I’m really loving it up here. 

2011 is the Year

No, seriously. 2010 was about exploration and discovery. 2011 is about focus and commitment. It’s about shipping great work and surrounding myself with people I love. It’s about deep joy, feeling fulfilled and helping others feel this way too.

<3

everything in life begins with love. in all relationships, in our work, in our encounters with random strangers, everything is connected and we should love accordingly. we only give when we love. 

There’s a distinct difference between doing what feels right and feeling slight discomfort along the way & doing what feels wrong and feeling torn up in the process.

Slight discomfort means you’re growing and opening yourself up to situations that challenge your comfortable behaviors. These experiences will help you learn and grow in unprecedented ways. You may question yourself but you’ll eventually learn to trust, keep calm and carry on. You’ll realize that feeling overwhelmed actually indicates how much you’re growing.

On the other hand, feeling torn up is your body’s way of telling you “PAY ATTENTION!” and “LISTEN!” These experiences are eye-opening and when recognized, provide equally meaningful insight into your behaviors and decisions. They’ll remind you what not to do again in the future.

I think we’re sometimes afraid to walk away from wrong and potentially damaging situations for fear of being a quitter or seeming indecisive. At least I’ve experienced this in the last year. But in times of uncertainty, I like to remind myself that a month from now the uncertainty will be of little importance and the change I’ve encountered between now and then will be worth it.

I’ve learned there’s something to saying no when it’s not right & passionately pursuing until timing, experience and opportunity intersect.

crazy is staying comfortable in the familiar. irrational is doing work you don’t enjoy. unrealistic is thinking that you can’t evolve, change and grow as you go.

life is a colorful adventure made of happy yellows, sad blues, romantic reds, mysterious blacks and many more colors in between.

we can’t predict what will happen so we might as well start experiencing the answer instead.

Relationships either work or they don’t. You either treat each other like gold and it feels good or it doesn’t feel right at all. When it’s right, embrace. When it’s wrong, let go. It’s better to walk away from situations that aren’t right than hold on for something to change or magically evolve. You’ll end up closing yourself off to new and better beginnings.

we try when we’re afraid of defeat, feel held back, lack self-faith & aim for a destination.

we do when failure isn’t a option, we create our own rules, believe in ourselves & aim for the experience.

which one are you?

My business partner Catharina mentioned two days ago that she never feels busy. This immediately took me by surprise. She never feels busy?!, I thought to myself. I always feel busy!

I asked her to explain and her response has had me thinking about it since. She said that she always does as much as she can, she gives 100% to everything, and that’s as much as she can do each day. Pretty straightforward, right? Then why do I always feel so damn busy?!

I think one key distinction is that Cath knows what she can do well and she sticks with it. Cath said that if she can do something in her head, she can do it in real life and so she does. But if she struggles with it in her head, she tends not to do it.

I find this way of thinking very intriguing as I’m quite different. I’m naturally curious and mostly motivated by unknowns and solving challenges. I imagine the overall vision, first few steps and then I start without certainty of the outcome. Uncertainty excites me because it leaves room for improvisation and serendipity, I feel. 

Either way, I do sometimes find myself feeling busy or exhausted by discovering too many unknowns at once and so, to Cath’s tip, narrowing the breadth of my pursuits so I can apply more depth to a few will likely help.

That said, I also think how we think about our limits is equally important. For Cath, she knows what she can do, does that much each day and gives her all. For me, I tend to think I need to/can do and give more. Combine that thought with the need to put 100% into everything and I have a recipe for feeling busy and potentially overwhelmed. Ah ha! Sounds like I need to accept my limits, devote myself to one idea, and balance what I can do now with what I don’t yet know…

Be prepared for obstacles. You feel very passionate about your philosophies and mission which is stronger than anything that will come your way. You do not get demoralized easily. In these moments you will thrive. Challenges will excite you, motivate you and spark your creativity. Embrace your moments of ingenuity. 

Be flexible in the pursuit of your dream. Life is unpredictable and so you will respond by being open and modifying on the fly. Be prepared to produce crazy, out-there ideas. 

Go, do and work to find answers to your most important questions. Follow your heart, as you always have, and learn as you go. Nothing will appear out of thin air. All you can do is everything you’re doing now and everything you’re about to do in the future. If you are active, it will lead to something, something you can work with.

You do not have to live how others expect you to. Never forget that. Challenge norms and experience the world as you see fit. Follow the rules that matter and ignore everything else.

Continue to be genuinely passionate and excited through every obstacle, milestone, challenge and accomplishment. Be rid of everything that exhausts and brings you down. If it doesn’t feel right, give it up. 

Do not hold on to pain. You have a choice. Do not forget there is a difference between letting go and giving up. Sometimes you have to give things up to find what’s waiting for you.

You have already experienced loss, pain and sadness, and it made you stronger. You will continue to experience loss, pain and sadness at some point in your life. Remember it’s how you handle these losses that defines who you are.

Most importantly, love the journey. Anything can happen tomorrow so appreciate every person around you as this day might be the last time you see them. 

In closing, be what you believe, stay positive and let life unfold naturally. 

All my love,

Amber