“Don’t be so hard on yourself when you write,” said one of my best friends a few minutes ago. “Please be unfiltered, crazy-good-shenanigans, morning-pages-style Amber,” she said. “Just let it out.” 

Hmm. Interesting. I didn’t realize I was being hard on myself. In fact, I didn’t realize I wasn’t “letting it out.”

But wait, am I being easy on myself? Am I letting it out? 

Shit. No. Not really. She’s totally right. 

This has me wondering… has my recent writing truly reflected what I’ve been feeling and experiencing deep down? Or, have I been afraid to let stream-of-consciousness Amber out? Interesting. 

To be honest, I’ve been keeping it pretty safe. My friend’s right… I need to let go. I need to be naked. I need to let my instincts guide my writing. Damn, this is what best friends and radical honestly are for. I love when this shit comes back full circle.

On that note… my post on Tuesday left out a significant part of my “radical honesty” story. In fact, every time I read Tuesday’s post, it makes me cringe a little bit. As much as it encompasses this direct and blunt side of me, it completely leaves out the deeply compassionate and loving side. And to me, honesty lies at the intersection of truth and compassion.

The mention of my Mom, in particular, is what makes me sad. In the last post, I talk about how her plumber story was boring. And yes, even though her plumber story was deeply boring, that interaction captures 1% of our relationship. Maybe even .05%. The honest story to tell is that we FaceTime every morning. I’m always in bed, under the covers, wrapped up in pillows and blankets, and almost always naked. We laugh, we smile, we share deep secrets and feelings, and sometimes we cry. It’s always a magical and uplifting start to my day. My mom completes me. She is my best friend. Our candidness and ability to express deep and honest feelings makes me believe in the power of truth. She is truth. My truth.

Truth is something we are often so scared to express. Or, actually, it’s something I’ve often been so scared to express. What if the truth hurts me? What if I hurt someone else? What if… What if… What if… Fuck what if. I cannot control what if… I can only control and live what is. 

This past week, ironically or not so ironically, I’ve been confronted with several opportunities for radical honesty. I decided to lean into that edge and keep it real. In every instance, I felt more alive, I feel more free, I felt more nakedly me. I immediately stopped focusing on the outcome or ending and became so completely content with the process. The discovery. The opportunity for more depth and connection. The moment. Yes. The moment is what feels right. This is what life is all about.

So what’s the big deal with being honest? Hmm… well… the times when honesty becomes scary for me is only when I fear that it might hurt someone else. Or me. I hate disappointing others. I hate disappointing me. I’m often scared that by expressing my true feelings, I’ll push someone or something exciting away. But then I wonder, is that really the problem? WIll honesty push someone away or will it bring what’s right closer to me in the long-term? I’d like to believe in the latter. (I do believe in the latter.)

A close friend recently expressed to me how “trusting your gut” is a signal. It’s not something to be understood or analyzed. It’s just a feeling to be trusted. I feel like truth is the same way. When you can be deeply honest with someone, that’s a signal. It’s not something to be understood or analyzed. It’s just a feeling and experience to be trusted.

Who are you most honest with?

Imagine if we lived radically honest and naked lives. 

We told the truth, all the time. We stopped dancing on eggshells. We eliminated secrets. We cut out the filters between our brains and our mouths. 

Instead of a passive “no worries,” we tell our friend he pissed us off. We stop saying “let’s get together soon” to distant friends when we don’t mean it. We tell Mom her story about finding the best plumber is boring. We tell our employer about our plans to start a business on the side. We tell our love interest that we’re really only interested in sleeping with him. Or dating her. Or both. 

Is cutting the bullshit the path to authentic relationships? Does the short-term tension and discomfort create a deeper relationship in the long-term? 

I’d sure as hell like to think so. 

But in order to have authentic relationships with others, we first need to have more radically honest relationships with ourselves. 

For a while, I told myself little white lies. About what I wanted. The people I wanted to spend time with. The work that made me feel most alive. The types of relationships I deserved.

I discovered I was wasting time on excuses and illusions. It was time to cut the bullshit. 

Here are some of the excuses I made and the responses I used to quiet my inner critic… 

“I have to do this.”
False. You do not have to do that. You have a choice. Yes, you may have made a commitment and quitting or changing courses might suck. But do you really want to live a life where you feel obligated to do things? Or, do you want to align yourself with people and opportunities that make you want to do things. It’s your choice. How can you take what you have to do and turn it into what you want to do?

“I’ll start tomorrow.”
Will you really? Why can’t you start today? What’s one small thing you can do to begin now? Is what you want to start tomorrow actually important to you? Why is it important? Where are you hoping it will take you? If it’s important, work toward it today. Otherwise, eliminate it.

“I can’t do it because I might fail.”
Yes. Fact. You might fail. And guess what? You will survive. You will learn to use failure as energy and momentum. Your failures will lead you to your successes. The insight, learnings, and relationships that you gain from failing will often be more useful than what you originally set out to do. But only if you start failing. How can you fail today?

“It’s not good enough yet.”
Nothing ever is in the early stages. Often times, in the later stages too. Get it out there and see how the world responds. 

“They won’t let me do that.”
Really? Someone else in control of your life? Replace “they” with “I.” Now, why won’t you let you do that? That’s the core of the issue. Begin there. 

“I could do Y if I had X.”
Well, you don’t have X. So, either eliminate that option or get creative about how to get X. Also, why do you need X? What will X help you achieve? What other routes will help you get to Y?

“I don’t know how to do it.”
Who does? Go talk to them. Ask them questions. Create value for them. Build a relationship with them. Google it. Read about it. Start doing it. Learn how to really do it. 

“They will judge me.”
They might. And if they do, are they the kind of people you want in your life? When you start doing what you love, you’ll attract people who love to do the same kinds of things as you. And why would you fear being judged when you’re doing what you love? Fuck ‘em.

When I stopped lying to myself, I gave myself the chance to be who I am and live the life I want. And honestly, it feels damn good to be naked. 

“No one cares what you do. They care why you do it.”

That’s the premise of one of my favorite books, Start With Why, by Simon Sinek. In this book, Simon talks about how great leaders inspire action. He explains how the most innovative and influential people and organizations have an uncanny ability to articulate the why of their existence. 

For example, Martin Luther King didn’t give a 10-page presentation on the changes he envisioned with statistics on why it was a good idea. Instead, he got on stage and said, “I believe in a world…” He shared his driving belief, the reason he got out of bed, and the change he wished to see in the world. 

Apple didn’t say “we make great computers.” They said, “we challenge the status quo and believe in thinking differently.” Dell, on the other hand, talked about making great computers. Now which brand has built a cult following?

Zappos talks about a belief that happiness can be used as a model both in business, and in life. What other shoe company does this?

To explain the companies that are functioning at their highest ability, Simon developed a Why/How/What “Golden Circle” (pictured above) which is based on the biology of human decision making as it relates to how people interact with brands and organizations. 

No one cares what you do. They care why you do it.

So how does this apply to your life or business?

Yesterday, a close friend approached me for direction on the style/fashion business he’s building. For his own clarity, he was attempting to map out his Why/How/What. Within 30 seconds of chatting with him, I realized he didn’t actually understand what “why” “how” and “what” mean. 

Here’s the advice I gave him, which might assist you in evaluating your own ability to create influence and impact in everything that you do…

Why: A belief that drives you. The reason you get out of bed in the morning.

For example: my why is to inspire and enable people to unleash their full potential so that together, we change the world.

How: The actions you take. The things you do to realize your Why.

For example, my Hows are to…

1) challenge conformity and ignore what’s expected,

2) focus on positive long-term behavioral change (to change the world, I must first change myself),

3) see the good and opportunity in everything,

4) experiment to see what sticks, 

5) candidly share everything.

What: The tangible things that you can see and touch. The outcomes that prove your Why and How. 

For example, my Whats are…

1) Hey Amber Rae: I write. I experiment. I reflect.

2) Revolution.is: I tell stories of remarkable people living unconventional lives.

3) Passion Experiment: I work with high-potential people one-on-one to overcome obstacles and make positive change. 

What we do will evolve and grow and change over time. Why and how we do things will remain consistent, guiding the things we create to realize our full potential. 

I’m writing this on the fastest ship in the world. I’m sitting in my cabin, sailing from the Bahamas back to Florida. Outside my window, I see waves furiously crashing against the ship and I feel myself swaying back and forth, back and forth.

I just spent the last four days with Daniel Epstein, founder of the Unreasonable Institute, exploring a business opportunity between Semester at Sea and Unreasonable. They’re thinking about doing a global experiment in transnational entrepreneurship and I came on board to help them think through the opportunity from a storytelling perspective. Good times.

In the last few days, I’ve met at least fifty Semester at Sea alumni who’ve all told me that the experience “changed their life” but now, they’re not sure what they’re doing. They don’t know what they enjoy, what brings them pleasure. They want to be happy but they don’t know how to get there.

Two nights ago, at around 1:30 in the morning, I sat with a table of smart and interesting men and women who all felt some level of “stuck” in their lives. As I told them about my story and journey, their eyes widened and interest piqued. I could feel and see them opening up to the possibilities in their own lives. As I very candidly told them about the ups and downs of my path, and why it’s been worth it, I created a space for openness and vulnerability. Every person started sharing their story and challenges too. They welcomed my very personal and poignant questions, and as a group, we connected around inquiry and understanding.

When I hear people talk about trying to make positive changes in their lives, they often explain how they want to feel in three months or a year from now.

“If I take this job then I will make enough money to pay off my student loans. Then I’ll be happy.”

“If I do this graduate program, it will give me enough credibility. Then I’ll feel good enough to do the work I’m meant to do.”

“If I date this girl, she’ll help bring balance to my life. Then I’ll feel better.”

No. False. That job won’t make you happy. That graduate program won’t make you feel good enough. That girl won’t make you feel better either. Temporarily? Of course. But in the long term? Absolutely not.

Why? Because happiness comes through self-understanding. It comes through an awareness of who you are, what makes you tick, and why you exist. The path of your life will obey the shape of your beliefs about love, value, and possibility. To make any lasting change in your life, you must first understand that which is shaping your beliefs right now. You can’t fight it, shame it, or ignore it. With openness and understanding in mind, you must get curious about why you feel the way you do. When you welcome your feelings and let the stories unfold, you’ll get to know yourself. Your true, naked self. The kind who lives a life full of pleasure, enjoyment, and adventure.

So if you’re feeling stuck, and if you want to make any change in your life, start by listening to your feelings. Unmet feelings obscure your ability to know yourself. So starting asking questions. Be tender to yourself. Let the stories unfold. Pay attention to and accept what arises, even if it surprises you.

I still remember the moment I came across Buster Benson’s blog and work a few years ago. As I read his words and beliefs, I felt this strong visceral reaction to the point of goosebumps. The more I furiously clicked around his site, the more I found myself jumping up and yelling “YES!!!!”

Buster is one of those rare people who knows exactly why he exists which manifests in everything that he does. Buster is a genius when it comes to building technology that improves people’s lives. He started at Amazon’s Personalization and Recommendations team, building one of the first truly personalized experiences on the web. Since then, he’s co-founded, sold, and created a number of companies and good-for-you products like Habit Labs, 750words, and Health Month.

On Tuesday, I chatted with him more deeply about his work, motivations, and thoughts on failure and behavior change. It was a hell of an interesting 54 minutes, and I thought I’d share some of the insights that are still keeping me up at 1:12am… 

What we want vs. what we think is possible

In any pursuit that we have, there is A) what we want and B) what we think is possible. 

When you ask people “what do you want to do with your life,” they automatically filter it through what they think is possible instead of thinking about it as two separate questions. 

The larger the delta between what we want and what we think is possible, the more unhappy we are as people. The fear of failure is what creates that unhappiness. 

On knowing what you like and want

If you really like someone and you’re not sure if they like you back, that is the best situation to be in. Because, this way, you know what you like and what you want. That is 99.9% of the problem. The rest of it lies in being creative and not taking failure personally. 

Behavior change is all we have

You can’t change anything in the world unless you change something you do every day.

All we are given is the opportunity to do what we can while we are here. The world and the universe is largely unchangeable unless you consider the fact that you are part of it. So really, the only thing to change is yourself. If we can’t change ourselves, there’s not a chance that we’ll ever change anything else. So why not focus on that?

Goals verses interests

Instead of focusing on goals, try focusing on interests. The goal of self-change and self-progress is not to win but rather to enjoy life more. This usually happens when you focus on your interests.

Embrace your many sides

We all have multiple sides, dimensions, and everything we do today might not be consistent with everything we’ve done before. 

People try to curate their own personality too much, especially publicly or on social networks. They try to be “what’s professional,” or whatever. They are highly influenced by what they think other people expect from them.

All sides of you are true and honest. Keeping this in mind, you can truly share what’s important to you instead of having to worry about how it’s going to be perceived in the long-term. Be you—all sides of you.

I’ve always hated stupid rules.

“You can’t go to the bathroom unless you ask for permission.”

“Raise your hand before speaking.”

“Don’t talk to strangers.” 

“Don’t get hurt.”

“Never give up.” 

These rules are why our education system breeds people to be employees. It’s these ways of thinking that create scared and fearful people who overthink what they really want and feel like they need to ask permission to do something. I say, fuck it. Do what you want and do it well. In fact, here are 11 unconventional rules on living… 

It’s not about the success of one business or idea, it’s about the success of you. You are not defined by one project or idea or experience. Failure is not a stigma. It’s okay to fail. If no one is responding to what you’re doing and you feel no progress, that might be an indication that you should move on to something else or take a new approach to what you’re already doing. 

Define success as you see fit. You don’t have to define success according to how others do. For me, I want to feel fulfilled, I want to eliminate unhappiness in my life, and I want to experience ease, flow, purpose and progress every day. That’s it. How do you define success? 

Eliminate haters. If someone is hating or bringing me down, I immediately cut them out of my life. If someone lifts me up and makes me feel alive, I bring them closer. But I never, ever, get close to those who bring me down. I cut them, wish them well, and carry on. I rarely, if ever, provide an explanation. Explaining is draining. (I went through a period where I was obsessed with explaining and trying to help people understand where I was coming from. I thought it was the good and honest thing to do. In the end, this exhausted me and them.) Letting go and moving on is one of the most important rules I’ve implemented in my life. 

If you want the world you envision, create the self you envision. We don’t get what we want by focusing on external rewards and validation from other people. We get what we want and we achieve success by replacing negative habits with positive ones, eliminating unhappiness from our lives, and working toward things that we feel matter. If you were the best version of yourself, how would you behave? Start there. 

Create what you’d use. Whether it’s a product, experience, piece of content, program, or whatever, create things that you want and would actually use. If you wouldn’t use it, or aren’t sure if you’d use it, then don’t create it. This is the fourth article I’ve written in preparation for today’s post. I kept feeling “ehh” about the other ones and wasn’t sure if they were something I’d really use or go back to for reference. So I kept writing and digging, found myself on a personal rant with a friend about “rules” and “defining success” and wham bam, now I’m writing this. This is something I feel great about. 

Know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Keep asking yourself “Why?” until you get to the core of why you’re really doing what you’re doing. I committed to writing twice a week because I wanted to put out ongoing content that’s valuable. I wanted to address the same questions that I get through email in a public forum. I wanted to prepare myself for the book I’ll likely write within the next year. I wanted to share bits and pieces of my journey in hope that they’ll enable more people to eliminate unhappiness from their lives and act on what matters. I want to enable more people to do this because then we’ll change our behaviors and the world. Why do you do the things you do?

Never do anything you don’t want to do. Hell yes or no. If you don’t want to do it, be honest (without being hurtful), and carry on with what you do want to do. Doing things that you don’t want to do because you’re trying to be nice or trying to please will actually hurt you and them in the long-run. 

Be really effing honest. On that note, always be really effing honest. Whether you’re breaking up with a company, ending a romance with someone who’s just not right for you, or telling someone how you really feel, save time by keeping it real and being honest. It might suck at first but ultimately, it’s better for you and better for them. Life brings you beautiful things when you’re honest with yourself and others.  

Listen to your body. When I’m heading away from the work that I’m meant to be doing, my body reacts. For a few years, I was allergic to cream. When I made a significant move and change in my life, I suddenly dropped that allergy. Your body sometimes knows more than you do. 

Life is an experiment. It is only an experiment. When I think of life as an experiment, it removes the emotion and makes taking action easier. When I’m being bombarded with challenges, responsibilities, even overwhelming hurdles, when I look at it like an experiment, I realize that just rising above is an opportunity to learn, grow, and succeed. Maintaining this perspective helps me look forward to the challenging moments. It helps me have more fun, try things just to find answers, and not take life so damn seriously.

Create your own rules. What works for me may not work for you. What works for you may not work for me. Break rules that don’t matter to you and instead create your own. Give yourself permission to create a life on your own terms. You don’t need the approval or support of your parents or close friends if it’s not aligned with what you know you need to do. Just start. 

What rules would you add to this list?

ps - Today I published the 50th story on revolution.is. I’m honored to celebrate 50 with the King of unconventional living, Chris Guillebeau. To 50 more!

There are critical, life-altering moments in every person’s life. I define critical and life-altering as the times that challenge my core beliefs and ways of thinking. These are the experiences that push me the most, often times frustrate me the most, but also, in reflecting back, teach me an enormous amount about who I am and what matters.

One such experience like this was The Domino Project. It was a year ago yesterday that I embarked on an unknown journey with Seth Godin and seven others to challenge the publishing industry. We published twelve books, all bestsellers, and learned a lot about what’s possible in publishing and at work. Seth did a great recap of project results here and here so I’m not going to talk about the publishing takeaways.

In fact, an understanding of the publishing industry is not what I took away from the experience. I actually didn’t learn very much about it. Sure, I had the opportunity to, but what really interested me was learning about team dynamics, fighting resistance, mastering emotions, managing conflict, and planning ahead. I was far more interested in internal and team developments than the impact on the publishing industry. 

Here are some of my biggest lessons and mistakes, of things I did well and not so well, and some amazing things I learned from the people I worked with…

> You need resistance to grow. Whether you’re building muscles or your frame of mind, without resistance, it’s hard to experience growth. There were times when I felt physically and emotionally exhausted from the project. Whether I was resisting to doing work that I didn’t feel particularly thrilled about doing or letting the voice of “can you really do this?” creep in, this all-consuming struggle overtook me at times. I got angry. I broke down and cried twice. I even fainted in the office one day. The more exhausted I got, the more in touch I got with my subconscious to challenge my assumptions about what’s possible. This sparked breakthroughs and moments of surprise. It also sparked a semi-unhealthy wine habit for a few months. Luckily, I’ve kicked that habit since. 

> Suck it up and do the work. As with any start-up environment, there will often be instances when you’re presented with work that you don’t feel particularly excited about doing. For better or for worse, I’m really terrible at doing things that I don’t enjoy or that don’t feel aligned with my purpose. It paralyzes me. In experiencing this, I’ve realized there are two options: suck it up and do the work or find someone else who enjoys doing it. I’m a huge advocate of people focusing as much as possible on their natural talents so I tend to make the latter happen. I’ve found that this approach has a significant impact on happiness and fulfillment too.

> Listen to your body. As much as “doing the work” and “fighting the resistance” is important, so is listening to your body. There’s a fine line between working your ass off and working on the right things for the right reasons. In moments of frustration and pain, I realized a disconnect between the work I was doing and the work I’m most passionate about. This caused me to do more of what I’m passionate about, both within the project and on the side. It was only through the pain, and writing incessantly to find answers, that I discovered the work I’m meant to be doing.

> Fuel your own ambitions. Understanding the vision of the people I was working with was just as important as having my own vision. For me, the experience wasn’t about challenging publishing. It was about clarifying my purpose, challenging myself, and using the experience as a vehicle for learning, understanding, and launching my own ambitions into the world. I realized that “living your passion” isn’t something that happens over night. It often takes experience, experimentation, and mastery to even discover passion. That’s why, in parallel to working at Domino, I launched my storytelling concept revolution.is and a “Passion Experiment” program aimed at helping people unleash their full potential. No matter where we are or what we’re working on, we can use our immediate experiences as fuel for our own ambitions.

> PTFA aka Plan the fuck ahead. I was not the planner on the team. I much preferred improvisation and letting things organically evolve. This only went so far. Michael, our planning superstar, who I had a love and hate relationship with during the project, sat on the opposite spectrum. In the end, I learned that thinking ahead and planning, even if it doesn’t go according to plan, far outweighs going with the flow. Some of the painful lessons that I learned from working with Michael probably have had the most impact on me today. 

> Even the smartest, most inspirational, and most revered people are just that… people. People ask me all the time, “What was it like working with Seth?” I’m never really sure what people are expecting me to tell them. And to be honest, I never really know how to answer this question. “He cooked us lunch every day … He types harder on his keyboard than anyone I know … He’s wicked smart … He’s an incredible man.” The truth is, even the smartest, most inspirational, and most revered people are just that… people. 

All in all, this was a profound learning experience. Special thanks to Seth, my incredible teammates, Derek Sivers for his mentorship, James Wu for pushing me to apply, Jason Kende for helping me find my voice, and Nate Bagley for being my right-hand behind-the-scenes guy. 

No matter where you are in life, take action on the most pressing opportunity in your immediate vicinity. Even if it’s not “perfect,” it will teach you far more than what you envision as being “perfect.” In fact, it will likely help you realize and fuel what actually matters. 

(ps - I stole the team photo from here.)

I propose a new kind of dictionary. One that is founded on the belief that we don’t have to live how others expect us to and that we should instead live our own ideal life. 

Why? Because far too often I hear people say “yes” for the wrong reasons. I hear people putting themselves down for “procrastinating” when they don’t understand the underlying reasons. I watch people approach “work” like it’s a 9-5 job and “passion” like it’s a side hobby that cannot be taken seriously. I hear people say “I can’t” because of self-imposing “limitations” that inevitably lead to “boredom,” “drama,” “anxiety” and the search for “answers.”

That said, here are the first 9 words in my “Unconventional Dictionary,” a guide to living on your own terms. 

yes. noun.
1 - a word that should only be used when it reflects your true desires. 
2 - a expression used when you experience an overwhelming feeling of “Wow! That would be amazing! Absolutely! Hell yes!“ 
3 - a word that you feel extremely comfortable using when you’re in a social environment that meets your needs, with people who care about what you are feeling, and are interested in facilitating your happiness.

procrastination. noun.
1 - your body’s way of rebelling against what your mind says you “should be doing.”
2 - an indication that you are working on the wrong thing. 

work. noun.
1 - your individual contribution to the world.
2 - activities that exist beyond the hours of 9 to 5.
3 - the place where our talents, desires, and what the world needs intersect.

passion. noun.
1 - a powerful driving force existing inside every human being that, once unleashed, can make any vision, any dream, a reality.
2 - something you do that makes you feel fulfilled beyond the money that you make.

limitation. noun.
1 - self-deprecating beliefs that exist within in your mind and prevent you from taking action.
2 - beliefs often formed by naysayers and the crowd who is not interested in facilitating your true happiness.

boredom. noun.
1 - the opposite of happiness.
2 - a lack of inner purpose and fulfillment.
3 - an emotional state that leads to forming negative habits.

drama. noun.
1 - an emotional experience rooted in taking things personally, making assumptions, and needing attention.

anxiety. noun.
1 - experiencing failure in advance.

answers. noun. 
1 - thoughts and ideas that can only be found within us, rather than “out there.” 

Update: A few favorites sent in by readers…

enthusiasm. noun.
1 - a good indicator of one’s passion or purpose.
2 - stems from the Greek word entheos or “God within.”
3 - cultivated by one’s willingness to learn and achieve.
(via @project_180) 

fear. noun.
1 - emotional response to change or anything that threatens the “status quo”
2 - generates anxiety and perpetuates limitations
(via @RamirCamu) 

tenacity. noun.
1 - holding on to what you believe in, regardless of the challenges you may face
(via @AlhanKeser)

miracle. noun.
1 - the instant one’s actions or perceptions shift in order to proceed with courage, from the realization that the known can be limiting and the unknown can be undiscovered joys.
(via @LeonaMizrahi) 

creativity. noun.
1 - something everyone everywhere possess if they believe they do.
2 - most evident after a great deal of hard work.
(via Bob Walsh) 

what else would you add?

Imagine a world without a speed limit. 

Where human potential is not governed by what we’re told to be, the only fear is not giving enough, and the urge to share your gift cannot be restricted. This is the world I’ve imagined since I was a little girl. It’s only recently that I’ve had the guts to commit to this dream. For a while I was afraid.

Afraid that people would label me a “life coach.” Uncertain how I’d make money helping people give their dreams direction. Hesitant that the world I imagined was far too abstract. Slowly but surely, I’ve broken down these fears and worked toward them one by one. I’ve eliminated the distractions beyond this purpose and discovered a sustainable revenue stream that enables me to impact people’s lives and live on my own terms.

After years of saying Hell Yes to big brands, start-ups, and people I respect, and going down a stint of getting side-tracked by “shiny new objects,” I’m now on a personal quest to create the world in which everyone’s full potential is in reach. 

When I launched my email list and newsletter some months ago, it lacked structure and intention. My friend Andy told me that I needed to have an email list on my blog and so I put one up. At the time, I wasn’t sure what to write about because I lacked focus in my own life and was spread too thin across too many projects. So I didn’t write. 

Writing is absolutely one of my favorite things to do in the entire world. That’s why from today forward, I will send out the “hey amber rae newsletter” every Tuesday and Thursday. These same posts will also live on my blog in my “journal,” and I’ll likely post “ambergrams” and inspirational quotes for the days in between too. 

My aim in writing will be to educate people about unleashing their potential, pursuing passion and purpose, and unconventional thinking about working your love. If you want to claim the life you’re meant to live, sign up here. 

Your turn: what is your aim in life? I’m collecting responses for a later post and I’d love for you to comment below telling me yours. Or, tweet it now with the hashtag #rev2012.

Three years ago, I decided to use myself as a guinea pig to see what’s possible in realizing dreams.

Since then, I’ve dedicated myself to helping people wake up motivated and fall asleep fulfilled because they’re fearlessly giving their gifts to the world. In reality, I’ve been dedicated to helping myself wake up motivated and fall asleep fulfilled because I’m fearlessly giving my gifts to the world.  

When I woke up yesterday, something clicked. The culmination of everything I’ve been working toward my entire life suddenly made sense. The purpose for my journey and all of my experiences over the last few years seemed obvious. I felt different. Better. On fire. 

I worked furiously the entire day (and night) with more clarity than I’ve ever felt before. It was as if I was walking around with weak vision for an entire year and suddenly put contacts in my farsighted eyes. Ahhh. I saw the details on the trees, the birds soaring in the sky, and the beautiful landscape standing before me.

I saw the future I want to create. I felt ready. Now felt right on time. 

When I fell asleep last night, it was the first time that I can honestly say that I felt deeply fulfilled and exhausted. The difference? I was living on purpose without distractions and in an environment and state that enabled me to create. 

It took me three years and a hell of a journey to get where I am today. (And I’m only just getting started!) What began as a voice deep inside of me that I couldn’t ignore and a personal promise to trust my gut turned into three major moves across the country (Chi -> SF -> NYC -> Boulder), me selling nearly all my belongings, working with over 20 start-ups and brands, at one point only having $80 in my checking account, and making many mistakes and learning many lessons along the way. 

The journey was not easy. But every step has been worth it. 

I went off path. I got distracted. There were times that I lost sight of why I was doing what I was doing. I had panic attacks and emotional breakdowns. At times I felt lost and alone. 

I picked myself back up. I took a deep breath and realigned myself. I pushed my boundaries, scared the shit out of myself, and knew that I had explored far beyond my comfort zone. I felt intense depth, meaning, and purpose. I experienced euphoria and deep fulfillment. I felt alive. So fucking alive. 

Nothing makes my blood boil more than unhappy and unfulfilled people who have so much potential. It breaks my heart when I see someone who hates their job and dreads their day ahead because of a lack of purpose. It kills me when I see people exchange true passions and natural talents for a false sense of security and a desire for approval. 

Because of this, for most of my life, people have come to me for direction on how to realize their full potential and live a life of meaning and purpose. People come to me asking for advice on how they can wake up motivated, fall asleep fulfilled, and fearlessly make their dreams happen. 

Last year, when I started working with Seth Godin, the number of people asking me for advice on these topics quadrupled. I found myself overwhelmed by hundreds and hundreds of emails each week and sad because of my deep desire yet lack of time to help everyone.

That’s why, last April, I launched an experiment that I dubbed “The Passion Experiment.” In a high-touch one-on-one experience with a premium price model, I helped 20 people reignite their dreams and get back on track. I worked with everyone from a recent grad who hated her job to a woman who worked in hedge funds for 13 years to a CEO of a multi-million dollar company. I helped people land jobs at companies they adore and still work for, launch consulting businesses, discover their true passion and later get published in prominent publications like Fast Company and Huffington Post, and make purpose-driven decisions that positively affected the lives of thousands. 

High-touch only goes so far and it’s time to take this to the next level. I’m ready to scale the mission and impact. I cannot do this alone and I’m looking for one or a few tech and design accomplice(s) to help me build this. 

I’ve identified the barriers that prevent people from pursuing their full potential as well as the nudges needed to move people from point A to point B and eventually point Z. I’ve documented a wealth of knowledge and learnings from my experiences with Apple, Seth Godin, Derek Sivers, Simon Sinek, The Unreasonable Institute and more. I’ve designed processes for defining your mission, discovering your true passions and natural talents, and building your personal brand. I’ve developed frameworks for decision-making and critical path maps on topics ranging from finding a new job to publishing a book to starting a business. 

Bottom line: If you have a passion and dream, and you’re ready to press “Go!” I have a way for you to achieve it. 

That’s why I’m building a semi-exclusive community designed to help people live on the edge and realize their full potential.

Now I need someone who loves to design aesthetically pleasing websites, knows how to build a custom Wordpress theme, and has a good understanding of CSS, HTML, JS, and PHP. You should be ready to launch your talents into the world and be looking for someone to help you get there. 

If this sounds like you, apply to work on this project by Saturday, Dec 31. If I feel like we’re a good fit, I’ll be in touch in the New Year with next steps. 

If this is something you believe in, please help in spreading the word by reblogging, retweeting, Facebooking, etc. Thank you. <3

(ps - if you have questions about this feel free to email me @ heyamberrae . com)

Imagine meeting an amazing person who you see yourself dating. This person is attractive, super smart, passionate, dedicated and they care about making the world a better place. They make you feel excited and happy and loved. Do you go for it or back off for fear of it not working out?

If you’re anything like me, you go for it.

What happens when after a month, you realize that despite how incredible the person is, they won’t help you grow in the ways that you’re looking to grow. Similarly, you won’t be able to help them grow in the ways they want to grow. They are too focused on their own mission (as they should be!) to help you evolve yours. And similarly, you’re too focused on your own mission (as you should be!) to help them evolve theirs. 

So you’re faced with a choice: do you stick it out? Or, do you trust your gut and move forward? 

If you’re anything like me, you trust your gut and move forward. You realize that if you stop doing something that feels wrong, you give the right thing a chance to catch you.

That’s what happened between me and the Unreasonable Institute over the last month. 

I could go into a full story about what happened but I figured the most honest and real way to tell the story is to share the email exchanges that went down between the founders and I. If you’re in a similar position, wondering whether or not you’re going down a path that’s truly right for you, maybe the exchange will be of help.

The bottom line: It was a really healthy break up. We both learned a lot from each other in the short time we dated. We still love each other, respect each other, and will continue to remain in each other’s lives on a friendly basis. Who knows, maybe we’ll work together on something in the future too! As far as Boulder, I am absolutely in love with this town and I have no desire to leave in the near future. This place makes me feel like the best version of myself. 

—

From: Amber Rae <amber@unreasonableinstitute.org>
Date: Wed, Dec 7, 2011 at 3:05 PM
Subject: For our 7pm meeting tonight! (Read before if possible)
To: Daniel Epstein <daniel@unreasonableinstitute.org>, Teju Ravilochan <teju@unreasonableinstitute.org>

The bottom line: My heart and gut says I’m not the right fit for Unreasonable. I don’t fulfill Unreasonable’s current needs, and my interests, desires and the skills I’m hoping to grow are not in line with the current priorities of the organization. While I deeply respect and love the organization and everyone involved, I know in my soul that we’re not right for each other.